ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
