Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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