he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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