guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
