so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
