So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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