dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
