god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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