Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
