Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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