I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
