my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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