i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
