Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
