I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
