We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize