Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
