Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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