half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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