I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
