happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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