After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
