drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
