Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize