I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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