and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
