Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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