Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
