I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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