even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize