So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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