yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she told me i tasted like america
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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