i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
