Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
