Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Never underestimate the power of titties
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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