I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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