Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize