there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
