Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
