I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
