we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
