Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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