I heard we made out
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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