Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize