One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
