You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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