but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize