I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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