It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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