I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
