I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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