I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
