how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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