so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
