Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
