): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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