He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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