It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
