y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
