Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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