:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
