Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
