Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
