You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
