you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
